


Voices that hurt

by Kozumevs



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Depression, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hearing Voices, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Suicidal Harry, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-05 21:35:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18374525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kozumevs/pseuds/Kozumevs
Summary: In the second year, Harry started to have weird nightmares, he hears voices and he didn't know if it was telling lies or not. He doesn't know how to keep on living anymore





	1. Nightmares and voices

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: SUICIDE ATTEMPT AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER!!!!!  
> Sooo this is my first fan fiction in this fandom and I hope you like it! Please tell me if I did good♡(*>ω<)ω<*♡

"Hey Harry!" 

Harry sat up with a scream and tried to catch his shaky breath. He saw Ron sitting next to him, he was the one who kept calling his name and tried to wake him up. The red haired boy stared at his friend with a worried look, Harry was covered in sweat and his breath was still shaking. Harry took his glasses and put them on quickly and then he looked over at Ron. 

"Nightmare?" Ron asked and Harry nodded slightly. 

"Yeah, but it's okay. Nothing to be worried about" He said and lay down again and Ron let out a long sigh. 

"But everytime when you have nightmares something is gonna happen! So it's not okay!" Ron said, "the others already woke up from your screams and whimpers you made in your sleep!" 

Harry rolled his eyes took his glasses off and closed his eyes, he tried his best to fall asleep again. Some minutes later..he sat up in shock again, from a nightmare of course. Ron was still sitting in front of him. 

"Harry that's not normal! It seems to be serious!" The red haired boy said and held a wet cloth with cold water on the other males forehead to get rid of all the sweat. Harry just groaned and looked at his friend. 

"I can't explain this nightmare! It's not like my other ones!" Harry said and cried out as he touched his scar.

"Hey, Harry, you okay?" The young Weasley asked and Harry didn't really know how to answer this in the best way.

"I don't know.. It's not the kind of Pain I had at my scar like before too. This is so weird, the nightmares aren't the same, the pain isn't the same.. What's wrong with me? It feels like I'm gonna lose my mind! I don't know what to do anymore!" The boy said and grabbed his glasses to get a better sight of everything. Ron placed a hand on Harry's shoulder to comfort him a little. 

"Harry, you're 12 years old and you've been through much more than me, Hermione and many other people at our age! There's nothing wrong with you! You can be proud for being such a strong human being" The red haired boy said and Harry tried to smile at least a little. Suddenly the door opened and Dumbledore walked inside. 

"I heard someone screaming, was it you, Harry?" Dumbledore asked and looked at the boy. 

"Oh my goodness, what happened, Harry?" The older man asked and Harry was a bit confused but also shocked. 

"You heard my scream?" 

"Well yeah I wasn't very far away and even some of the Slytherins were already wondering who was screaming. They were curious but they're not allowed to leave their bed at this time" The old man said and sat on Harry's bed. 

"Harry wha-?" Dumbledore got interrupted by Harry

"I'm sorry! It's a nightmare but it doesn't look like a warning! What if it's already too late?" Harry cried out and many tears rolled down his face. Dumbledore put a Hand on his shoulder and smiled at him gently. 

"It's okay, it's not your fault!" Dumbledore said and Harry tried to believe him and did the Slytherins really hear him scream? But they're not even near the gryffindor tower.. 

"Ron, please have an eye on him for the next days, weeks or even months" Dumbledore said with a serious voice. Ron nodded and watched Dumbledore until he left the Gryffindor tower. 

"You woke the others up u know" The red haired boy said while he was making strange things with his hands like he wanted to pray. 

"I know that, but I can't do anything about it" Harry said and Ron let out a chuckle and he hoped it would make Harry feel more comfortable. Harry smiled a little and lied back down and tried to sleep for the third time now. This time Harry was able to get some sleep until Ron woke him up at the next day. Harry changed his clothes and walked down to the gryffindor common room where Hermione already waited for him. As she saw him, she ran to him like she was running for her life. 

"Harry, I heard you scream last night! What happened?" She asked with much worry in her voice. "If the second year is already putting so much pressure on you then, what will you do in the other years that are still gonna come?" Hermione was out of breath from talking so fast and Harry put his hands on her shoulder to make her calm down. 

"Calm down Hermione, it's okay. It was just a nightmare" He said while Hermione was moving her bangs in the right direction. "Weren't you able to brush your hair this morning?" Harry asked and Hermione shook her head 'no'

"No I wasn't I-..." She paused for a second, "wait, are you just trying to change the subject?" She asked and Harry shook his head 'no' as well

"N-no I was just asking a random question!" He said and Hermione raised an eyebrow not really sure if she should believe him. "Okaaaaaaay..." She then said and looked at the clock. 

"Oh, we gotta go.. We don't want to miss breakfast right?" She said and grabbed Harry's hand to pull him out of the common room into the stairwell. As they walked down the stairs Hermione let go of Harry's hand. 

"Well but I'm not hungry!" Harry said, Hermione stopped and Harry almost ran into her but stopped at the right moment. 

"Harry James Potter, you have to eat! You're too skinny for your height. You don't weigh enough" 

,Kɪʟʟ ʏᴏᴜʀsᴇʟғ, ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴏɴ! Wʜᴀᴛ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀɪᴛɪɴɢ ғᴏʀ? Yᴏᴜʀ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅs ᴀʀᴇ ᴅᴏɪɴɢ ʙᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ'

These voices and thoughts were popping up in Harry's head but he tried to ignore it. He heard the same thing in his nightmare but his friends loved him, right? Hermione and Harry walked into the great Hall and sat onto the table with other Gryffindors. Hermione looked at Harry and smiled at him and Harry was sure that she was blushing. 

'Yᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ sᴇᴇɪɴɢ ᴡʀᴏɴɢ ᴛʜɪɴɢs Hᴀʀʀʏ! Sʜᴇ ɪsɴ'ᴛ ɢᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ ʀᴇᴅ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ sʜᴇ's ʙʟᴜsʜɪɴɢ, ʜᴇʀ ғᴀᴄᴇ ɪs ʀᴇᴅ ᴏғ ᴀɴɢᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴀᴛᴇ' 

again this voice was in his head. Harry started to slowly believe this voice and he was tired of it! Tired of everything. He looked like he was about to cry, he wanted to cry but not here, not in front of his friends and the teachers. Dumbledore looked at the black haired boy and saw how tired he looked, weak, black circles under his eyes, messy hair, his eyes half closed... He knew something wasn't right. Hermione bend over the table and pushed a slice of bread in his mouth because she saw that he wasn't eating anything again. 

"Eat!" She said with a very seriously voice and Harry was surprised by the act of the girl. Harry wanted to say something but the slice of bread in his mouth and Hermiones serious expression kept him quiet. Ron's eyes were wide opened and Hermione looked at him. 

"What's so surprising?" She asked and Ron kept his eyes opened but he shrugged and looked away. Hermione watched Harry all the time to make sure that he was eating. 

"What do we have next?" Harry asked after he finished breakfast. 

"Potions" Hermione said while rolling her eyes, Snape was the only teacher who she didn't even like a little. Ron chocked on a chicken wing as he heard that they'd have potions now. Hermione patted Ron's back as he coughed the chicken wing up and as he finished coughing she stood up 

"Let's go, you know that Snape doesn't like it when we're even a second too late" She said and the boys stood up as well, on the way to the classrooms Harry stopped walking and looked on the floor for a second. Hermione and Ron looked at him as they realized that Harry didn't move

"Harry?" Ron asked looking confused and worried at the same time

"I-I gotta go to the gryffindor common room.. I f-forgot something" Harry stuttered and Hermione crossed her arms. 

"No way! You're gonna be late and Snape will take points from gryffindor!" She said and Harry turned around and ran towards the gryffindor tower. 

"I'll be right back!" Harry said and Hermione tried to get after him, "wait that will take too lo-..and now he's gone.." She said disappointed and then she walked towards the potion class with the knowledge that they will lose more than 20 points if Harry doesn't hurry. 

Harry didn't walk to the gryffindor tower but to the astronomy tower, he leaned out of a window looking down, fear overcame him at the height of this tower but then... 

'Cᴏᴍᴇ ᴏɴ Hᴀʀʀʏ, ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀᴍᴇ ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴋɪʟʟ ʏᴏᴜʀsᴇʟғ ʀɪɢʜᴛ? Iғ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴅᴇᴀᴅ, ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ ᴘᴇᴀᴄᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏ ᴏɴᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴅɪᴇ. Iғ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋᴇᴇᴘ ᴏɴ ʟɪᴠɪɴɢ.. Iᴍᴘᴏʀᴛᴀɴᴛ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴅɪᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ'ʟʟ ʙᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ғᴀᴜʟᴛ' 

And that was it, Harry climbed out and stood up, ready to jump. He was thinking about it again, is this right? Should he really do that? 

'Iᴛ'ʟʟ ʙᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ғᴀᴜʟᴛ! Eᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ʜᴀᴛᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴛʜᴀɴ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴀʟʀᴇᴀᴅʏ ᴅᴏ. Pᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴅɪᴇ! Eᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴅɪᴇ'

And that was the point when he was sure about what he was doing, he stood there, his probably last tear rolling down his face and then he took one step towards the Abyss. And another one. And another one. And then... He fell, he saw how his life started to fade away and he waited for the impact. 

\-----------------------  
ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴘᴏᴛɪᴏɴs ᴄʟᴀss  
\-----------------------

"Mrs. Granger?" Snape was looking through the name list of the class

"Here" Hermione said raising her hand. 

"Mr. Malfoy?" 

"Here!" Draco said and smiled arrogantly. 

"Mr. Potter?.."

No reply. 

"Potter?!" He asked again and stood up. "Potter isn't here?? Who does he think he is? Not appearing in my cla-" Snape got interrupted by a female scream which came from outside. Even if the potion class was far away from the astronomy tower they were all able to hear it. Snape ran out of class and the students were curious so they ran after him

"Get back in cla-" Again a scream interrupted him 

"SOMEONE HELP! WE NEED HELP!"

"Forget it" Snape said and kept on running to the astronomy tower, the students right after him. The closer they got to the astronomy tower the more nervous they got. And as they arrived, they saw two students standing there with a red face watered with tears and sweat. As Snape got closer he realized why they were screaming and then he started to run much faster towards a body which lay on the ground unconscious. Hermione and Ron looked closer and suddenly Hermione started to run towards the body too. It was Harry's body. 

Harry wasn't really unconscious yet but that was the last thing he heard, many fast footsteps and the cries and screams of Hermione.. 

To be continued


	2. Recovery

It was cold and dark, was this what he was waiting for? Was he dead? 

"Harry!"

What was that? 

"-arry!" 

Who is this?

"-rry!" 

The voice is getting so quiet..It was Hermione, the girl who cared for him the most.. 

'I'm so sorry' Harry thought and closed his eyes waiting for the death to come. 

\----  
Professor mcgonagall ran to Dumbledores office as fast as she could, she opened the door and walked closer to Dumbledore who sat on a chair, in front of a desk writing something down on a snow white sheet of paper. She took a deep breath as Dumbledore looked up at her. 

"Mr. Dumbledore we have really bad news" Mcgonagall said with a shaky voice 

"What is it Minerva?" Dumbledore asked with a calm but also worried expression. Dumbledore has never seen Minerva like this, it must be something serious because her eyes were full of tears. 

"A second-grader just attempted suicide" She said and tried to sound as calm as possible. No one ever attempted suicide in Hogwarts.. Never! Dumbledores eyes opened widely, he stood up and walked over to professor mcgonagall. 

"What happened?" He asked and mcgonagall didn't say anything for some seconds but then again, she took a deep shaky breath and tried to explain everything as short as possible. 

"The person jumped off the astronomy tower" She said and Dumbledore was getting more and more shocked, that was a joke right? 

"Who was it?" He asked and was prepared for the worst but then when mcgonagall said who it was..he wasn't as prepared as he thought. 

"Harry Potter" Minerva said and Dumbledore couldn't believe what he just heard, he knew that Harry looked really tired this morning but he didn't know that he had a mental illness. He never expected Harry to attempt suicide, Harry seemed to be such a strong boy but something must have made him depressed.. 

"Where is he now?" 

"Severus is about to get him to the hospital wing" She said and Dumbledore walked out of his office to the hospital wing. As he entered the big Hall, he already saw Hermione crying and Ron trying his best to not burst out in tears. Snape was also there but he turned his back at Dumbledore so he couldn't really see him. As the old man walked closer to everyone, he saw how Snape was still holding Harry in his arms and how he was about to lie him on a bed. Snape turned around and looked into Dumbledores eyes 

"We need Madame Pomfrey! Where is she?" Hermione asked, her face still full with tears. 

"She actually has a break but Fred and George are looking for her" Snape said and stepped away from Harry's bed a little. Just a minute later Fred and George ran into the room and Madame Pomfrey was following them. 

"I heard what happened! First I need to check if there are any serious injuries that need to be fixed!" She said and Ron raised an eye brow and looked at her.

"What do you mean, fixed?" Ron asked and Madame Pomfrey checked Harry's arms. 

"Stitched" She then said and Ron's eyes widened, that's not good...   
Madame Pomfrey touched Harry's head carefully and lifted it up and looked at the back of his head. 

"A laceration..a really big one!" She said and then she checked Harry's heartbeat by putting a weird machine on his wrist. Hermione and Ron looked worried as Madame Pomfrey stood up and looked at them with a serious expression. 

"We're about to lose him! We need to do something to get him back and I don't think that you should watch it! It would be disturbing for you and I need concentration so please don't get anyone in this room for the next 2-3 days!" She said and before Hermione could ask something else Madame Pomfrey lead them out of the room. Dumbledore didn't say anything, he was speechless. 

"What will she do?! What's wrong, Ron?!" Hermione cried out and Ron looked at her disappointed. 

"I'm sorry but.. In don't know"

"Harry..." Hermione whispered worried

\------------------  
1 week later   
\------------------  
Hermione sat on Harry's bedside, Harry still didn't wake up but she didn't lose hope, she knew that Harry would wake up. There were plenty of presents in front of his bed from other students but not only Gryffindors. They were also from Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs and even Slytherins. Hermione was playing with Harry's messy hair and then she heard how the door from the hospital wing opened and Draco walked inside with a present and flowers in his hand. The blonde haired Slytherin walked towards Harry's bed, placed the present in front of it to the other ones and realised Hermiones confused expression. 

"Don't ask" He said turned around and left the Hall. Suddenly Hermione felt a movement that came from somewhere else, she looked at Harry and realised that he slowly opened his eyes. 

"Oh my god!" Hermione said and stood up. She rushed out of the hospital wing to the great Hall where everyone just ate lunch. As she entered that Hall and ran over to Ron all eyes were on her, everyone was staring at her but she didn't care. 

"Ron, Harry is waking up!" She said and rushed to the teachers before Ron could say something. She looked at Madame Pomfrey for a second and then... 

"Madame Pomfrey!... Harry is waking up!" She said and Madame Pomfrey stood up really fast and rushed into the hospital wing together with Ron, Hermione, Snape, Dumbledore, professor mcgonagall and other curious students. Harry's eyes were opened but he still looked extremely tired. 

"Where..am.. I?" Harry asked and his voice was barely able to be heard by anyone. The first thing that happened was that everyone laughed and some also started crying of joy and happiness. 

"You're at the hospital wing my dear" Professor mcgonagall said and Harry looked around. 

"I'm still alive?" Harry wondered "No..that..can't be... I should be dead" 

"Harry, no! You can be glad that you survived!" Hermione said while getting closer to Harry, "why didn't you tell us?" She asked and Harry shrugged with his shoulders. 

"I was scared.." He then said and Hermione didn't know what she could say so she leaned forward and gave Harry a hug and started to cry 

"I'm just so glad you survived" She said and suddenly a short flashlight was showing up. It was Colin who just took a photo of Hermione hugging Harry. 

"Colin!?" Ron looked at the blonde haired boy and Hermione blushed as she realised that she hugged Harry right in front of many persons. 

"Hermione, it's not right for me to be alive! I don't deserve this" He said breathlessly, his voice was still so quiet because he wasn't conscious for a whole week. 

"Harry, shut up!" Hermione almost yelled. Everyone inside the room looked at them surprised. Hermiones wanted to yell at Harry but then she realised that he started to cry so, yelling wouldn't be the perfect thing to do now. Instead of yelling at him, she lay her hand on his arm and tried to smile gently. 

"We can talk about it when you feel better okay?" Hermione said and walked away. 

"Harry, I'm glad you survived! That's the only thing I can say right now" Dumbledore said, "we will talk about it when you're able to walk again" He said and Harry just nodded. 

To be continued


	3. What the heck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry! It took really long cause I lost inspiration. Oh and ignore the bad grammar...I wrote this instead of sleeping and it's 2am

Four days passed but Harry was still in the hospital wing, Madame Pomfrey didn't want him to go yesterday. Harry was glad that Hermione gave him all the stuff that he had missed in class so he didn't have to worry about feeling dump when he is allowed to go. 

It was early in the morning, light was coming through the window and was shining into Harry's eyes. Harry turned to his stomach and buried his face in his pillow so the sun wasn't bothering him anymore. Some minutes later he finally realized that he couldn't fall asleep anymore and that's when he turned to his back again and sat up. On the table next to him he saw a book with the title 'get well soon'  he took the book, opened it and he couldn't help but smile. There were some photos of him and his friends from the first year, even from the end of the year when they won the house cup. At this moment Harry realized that there were people who cared for him, that he almost left those people. His parents saved his life and gave up their own just for him to keep on living. He felt how his eyes got wet and he wasn't able to fight back his tears. He felt so bad for almost leaving his friends behind..but then again people will die. 

Harry got out of his thoughts when the door opened and Hermione walked in.

"Harry, we've got good news! Madame Pomfrey allows you to leave the hospital wing" she said with a wide smile on her face, "but you didn't walk for a while so..I don't know if it'll be easy" she said and Harry hoped that she didn't saw his tears. 

"Madame Pomfrey is on her way and I am gonna tell professor mcgonagall so she can tell professor Dumbledore" she said and turned around, walked a bit but then she turned to look at Harry again 

"Oh and by the way, I can see that you were crying" she said and walked out of the hospital wing

"She's so weird.." Harry mumbled and looked back into the book. Some minutes later madame Pomfrey, professor mcgonagall, professor Dumbledore and Hermione walked into the room and harry closed his book and lay it back on the table. Hermione looked at Madame Pomfrey worriedly as she leaned the crutches that she had in her hand against a wall and walked closer to Harry. 

"Do you think, you can stand up?" Madame Pomfrey asked and Harry wasn't sure what answer he should give so he just shrugged and gave a small "I don't know"

Madame Pomfrey got some pills out of her pocket and placed them on the table. 

"What's that?" Hermione asked and looked at the pills with an insecure expression.

"That are pills against dizziness, Potter's circulation is on a low level since he didn't walk for more than a week so it could happen that a wave of dizziness can overcome him while he tries to stand up" Madame Pomfrey answered and she moved Harry's blanket away and looked at him.

"If it gets too much you can just tell me and I'll give you some pills alright?" She said and Harry nodded. Harry moved to the side of the bed and placed his feed on the floor, he took a deep breath and then he pushed himself up. Madame Pomfrey was supporting him a little, Harry felt like his legs were made of pudding and just after some seconds of standing he fell but Madame Pomfrey helped him to stand up again.

"I think we should give him the crutches, we can't let him stay in the hospital wing forever" Hermione said and everyone agreed with her. Professor mcgonagall took the crutches which were still leaning against the wall and gave them to madame Pomfrey who gave them to harry then. Harry's legs still felt like pudding but it was okay because the crutches were supportive.

"I'm sure Harry is strong enough to go to the gryffindor common room with Hermione alone. We'll talk about everything tomorrow" Dumbledore said and Hermione and Harry walked out of the room. 

"Ugh, finally..it was so boring in there" Harry said and Hermione sighed 

"Well do you think you'll be alright until the next quidditch game starts?" She asks and Harry didn't know what to answer cause he wasn't a doctor 

"We'll see" he said and Hermione smiled insecure. After a while they arrived at the gryffindor common room and everyone stared at Harry and Hermione. Ron stood up and pointed at Harry. 

"Look he's back!" He said and everyone started clapping their hands together. Harry raised an eyebrow in confusion like what the heck is going on in here?  
Harry sat down in a comfortable chair and he looked at George and Fred who sat next to him.

"You feelin' better" George asked and Harry nodded slightly. 

"That's good" Fred then said 

To be continued


End file.
